Worlds Apart

Late into the night with the fifth cup of freshly brewed coffee, disarranged sheets lying all around, haphazardly searching for the right page to finish your assignment, and bam! There’s a power cut! Fear & Frustration cross your troubled mind. You curse, feeling the world to be shut out, and finally there’s a wave of resignation. You realize then that there are others like you too, facing the same situation, at the same stage. A Stage of Purposelessness.

This becomes the occasion for you to visit your front porch and sit down, staring ahead, simply because you have nothing else to do. The soft breeze caresses your face, and you realize how comforting that is, inwardly thanking your sensory nerves. The leaves rustle in the wind, and you realize the music created is soothing, you realize running your hand through your hair creates music too, in a weird way.

This brief period of time, where purposelessness becomes the only driving force to realize the tree in front of your house is huge and beautiful and its branches display intricate designs. You begin to realize the coffee smells simply amazing and has more value than you thought. It isn’t just your usual doze of caffeine to keep you awake through the night. It has a lot more to it than you imagined.

You begin to realize the sound generated when soles come in contact with the gravel differs from person to person, and you could probably identify people just by listening to the sound they create while walking if you tried hard enough, long enough.

You begin to appreciate the moon, the stars, the clouds, the dark blue shade of the sky, and the darkness which is tantalizing, brining your senses alive, making you alive. You wonder how you missed all of this, when it was always there, right under your nose. Ah! You were too busy trying to get hold of things beyond your reach. You realize you want to be there for long, with no thoughts, no worries, no qualms, no grudges…but just to enjoy the moment, to live in the real sense for that moment. You experience divinely bliss, secretly wishing it would last forever.

And then, there’s a blinding light, the whirring of everything coming back to motion. You spring up, back in action, hurriedly reaching for you papers and shut the door hard. Just too hard. The world shuts out again, just this time, it’s different. Unknowingly you promise never to revisit this world until the next power cut.

My Why.

After writing essays and articles on a zillion topics, and reading a hundred biographies and autobiographies, I never imagined that writing about myself would be the most difficult and challenging things to write on. I am the person, who believes that I know myself the best, in and out. Yet, when it came to writing, I found myself pondering over it again and again. Writing and scratching repetitively, never seeming to be fully satisfied with my start. After half an hour, of writing, scratching, and re-writing I faced a white sheet with blue ink all over, yet there was nothing. Painstakingly, after a 10 more minutes of thinking harder than ever, I finally came up with the probably most clichéd sentence ever in the history of mankind – I am Me.

I chucked it then, cursing my teacher under my breath for this assignment but inwardly, I wondered. Wondered why I couldn’t write on that day, wondered why I faced a wall with everything but nothing, wondered why I couldn’t when I knew so much about myself, when I could give full 5 minute speeches non-stop about myself to my friends. A fresh blank sheet, a full-ink pen, perfect silence, yet, I couldn’t get myself to write. WHY?

Needless to say, after a whole year of wondering, thinking and pondering the question still remains unanswered but my quest to find the answer doesn’t end here. Hopefully, I will find the right answer to this seemingly simple question one day.

However, my initial problem to write about myself, I would say has been partially solved.  Partially, because I ain’t satisfied and probably will never be but anyway, atleast I came up with something! After all, something is better than nothing.

But yeah, from this exercise I learnt something we all know but so many fail to realize its full meaning and impact it has in our lives. Identification. We all possess ID cards, we all know a lot about ourselves, but hey, how many of us have an identification in the real sense. Think, my dear reader, Think hard. What is your identification? Who are you really? And, more importantly, remember to Identify You with Yourself.

And me? Well, am going to get on with life, in other words, tread on the path of self-discovery, and hopefully, someday I will conquer my quest to find the answer to my Why.